Closing Shop

August came and went as what happened the past couple of years... leaving me with more heartaches than I could endure. I'm more confused than when I first left to supposedly find soul which proved to be in vain. I have lost all hope that things would ever reach normalcy again. The green environment didn't bring any peace at all.

I feel I am crossing the largest intersection of my life, with no footbridges nor pedestrian lanes. Vehicles of all sizes zoom past, oblivious to my need to get to other side. It's one fear years of travel and exposure didn't manage to kill. I have been living in my fear. Somehow, it's inexcusable... this fear. Why is it that I am afraid of taking risks again, when there is nothing left to risk losing.

My head is bursting with thoughts, my heart with emotions. Yet, I feel I no longer have the medium to express it. I am most confident and happiest in doing two things: dancing and writing. I have recently discovered I could no longer dance and with the way things are unraveling, I obviously could no longer write... or I never was the writer I deemed myself to be.

Let me take pity upon myself. Let me weep. And let me fade. Ta-ta!

Goodbye.

Failure to Launch

Pooft. I became Koko Krunch.

This isn't the turning point I was hoping for yet.

Day Whatever

I've officially lost track of the days and the hours. What day is it? Thursday, I think. I've been awake most nights and asleep before the sun sets. This is one hekka vacation. Really. I'm not even sure if my brain still functions or has comfortably shriveled to that of a dinosaur.

Last night, we were sorta bar hopping when we settled in the "House of RnB". There were groups of guys left and right, literally. We were eyeing this cute guy on the table at our left while the fugly guys to our right wouldn't leave us alone. Naturally, the fugly guys got nothing but talk-to-the-hands and rolled eyes from us. When they finally left us alone, the cute guy made his move. Oh how sweet our smiles when we lent him our lighter.

We left not long after and hanged about a bit outside when the fight erupted. Cute. I've never seen a real live fist-to-fist fight and I've never experienced witnessing a fight that started coz of pretty little me. There was even this guy who must've been so caught up on the fight that he didn't realize the guy whose nose he was making bleed was from his group. Haha. Silly.

Well. Happens only up north. And the fog still fascinates me.

Day 2

Barely 24 hours here when homesickness kicked in. Gerdemit. I'm just 6 hours away from the civilization that I have been used to... But it seems lightyears.

We were at this music lounge which a friend recommended when I concluded something: The locals are sad uptight excessively reserved people. This band was playing and everyone was just staring at them nonchalantly. Nobody was talking with whoever he/she was with. Nobody was singing along. Nobody was even tapping his/her foot to the music. It was like The freaking Twilight Zone! And the worst was... It wasn't even midnight and there were only five tables left occupied. My nights out back home usually start when Cinderella had to be home. Tsk.

So I sought help from my good friend Dax who I met two years ago when he was in Manila to take the bar exams. Yes, he is a lawyer now... Considering on specializing at Civil Law. But he still ties my sneakers for me. Haha. Biatch.

He took us to a bar he was sure still serves alcohol after 2. It was... okeiii. At least we had beer. And good conversation. Funn.

I got to meet a few sisters, none of whom I could remember a single name. Not like it matters. I don't really plan on hanging with them a lot. I went away to be away from that in the first place.

Capped the night with Lugaw at Session. Couldn't beat Angels GOTO Heaven, though. Tear.

Still... the best part for me here is the fog inside the mall. Yes, fog inside the mall. Where else would you see that?

Day 1

Woke up to a verrry beautiful sight. If I were to wake up to that every morning, I wouldn't miss the city much. Pine trees in exchange for Skyscrapers. Cool.

I left last night with Mae at 9 on the dot. Our trip was one hell of a comedy stint. So I wasn't all that sad to be moving away from my comfort zone. My eyes were moist from a few SMS I received, tho.

It's colder here. And I mean that literally. Well, that much is trivial. At least I won't be stared at when I don leather jackets and knee-high boots. Über excited to go shopping. Oh, all the outfits I could now wear. Hot.

Migs' reminder: Hindi uso ang skirt at tank top jan. Dapat flirt.in.a.very.very.thick.jacket.and.jogging.pants@gmail.com ka na jan. (Cute. He's mocking my flirt.in.a.skirt tag)

No sign of home sickness yet. Let's see in a few more days.